Description

Note: This is a simple reformat of the previous product only containing images into a pdf. Hope it serves.It as been optimized for Acrobat 7.0 and later so if you don’t have this or better, it might not show up at all. In fact, I have no idea what it’ll do.PS: It has been pointed out that some pages are missing and that the document is out of order. Please don’t cry.Amazon.comLumberjacks, pirates, and Chuck Norris all agree that there is but one arbiter of manliness, and he has but one name: Maddox. The longtime proprietor of the absurdly popular website, The Best Page in the Universe, Maddox has thoughtfully collected his vast masculine wisdom for the first time in a useful reference work, The Alphabet of Manliness. Since men of course communicate with others only under duress, this book may be the sole resource for those starved for answers about basic manly subjects such as urinal etiquette, road rage, and beef jerky.What’s more manly than crushing a can against your eye, Maddox-style? Mastered that advanced skill? Move on to Maddox’s short quiz below, prepared exclusively for Amazon.com, and find out whether you might be one of the new breed of men, the “hetrosexual.”Straight Is the New Gayby MaddoxIn a world where metrosexuals–stylish, well-groomed, and sharply dressed men–have taken the center stage in defining the new masculinity, small pockets of men are starting to emerge, rebelling against the status quo. This new breed of man has rejected a lifestyle of wine tasting, pedicures, and excessive cultural awareness (i.e., any cultural awareness). This newly born response to metrosexuality is gaining momentum like never before, calling back to a day when men proudly wore plaid, ate liver and onions, and smelled like motor oil by choice. This modern man has come to be known simply as: the hetrosexual.Hetrosexual men aren’t afraid embrace their masculinity. They eat, drink, and sleep like real men: fully engorged. There’s no such thing as a “fashion faux-pas” in the world of hetrosexuality. In fact, even the use of the phrase “faux-pas” draws the ire of the hetrosexual man in the form of beatings and social isolation (preferably both). These are men who refuse to be pigeonholed into the constraints of sexual ambiguity, and gladly welcome every opportunity to crotch-wrestle a hot babe. Hetrosexuals are making it cool to be straight again; straight is the new gay.Think you might be a hetrosexual? Take the following quiz to find out: 1. How much should you tip a hairstylist? A) 10% B) 15% C) 20% If you answered, you’re wrong. Hetrosexuals don’t go to hair stylists. 2. Cologne? A) Yes B) No The correct answer is B) No. Acceptable fragrances for men are: sweat, grease, rum, or some combination thereof. 3. Which language do you speak? A) French B) English C) Both D) Neither The answer is B) English. French is the language of love, and men don’t love anything. At best, there are varying degrees of “like,” and even then, men don’t like anything that much. 4. When dining at restaurant, you should A) Push aside your friends and wrestle over the best seat B) Wait until the maitre d’ seats you C) What’s a maitre d’? The correct answer is A and C. A, because if you don’t secure the best spot at the table, you may find yourself in the position of having to engage in small talk with your guest. And C, because of the answer to question 3 above.If you answered all of the questions correctly, congratulations: you are the winner. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are a man (unless you are not), and nobody can take that away from you.Book DescriptionFrom the publisher:This is the only sentence in the entire book that will give you a chance to adjust your face; take your time, because it’s about to be rocked off—permanently.Finally, a book that guarantees your balls will be stomped; a book so manly that it will make even the burliest of men (and in some cases, the burliest of women) feel inadequate. So manly, it needs to be shaved: The Alphabet of Manliness. This collection of sacred writings may very well be the greatest compilation of all things manly throughout history. Here’s a small sample of the ass-kickery found within these revered pages of outright manliness:People getting drop-kicked in the facePhallic aggressionViolence in excess of what has come to be known as excessiveGarish disregard for the well-being of childrenContempt for animals, women, and other culturesIntimidating rhetoricObscure penile referencesThe triumph of flannel over good tasteThis book is only for the saltiest, hairiest, most rugged son of a bitch out there. However, it would be selfish to keep it for myself, so feel free to buy a copy. This humble tome of wisdom is a tribute to all men who toil away at work every day, getting their balls busted, or busting balls.If you can’t handle the punch to the colon I’m about to deliver to you, look on the bright side: you’ll save a fortune on Halloween when kids come to your door to pick apart your candy ass. On the other hand, if you feel comfortable with the risk of having your ass neatly packaged and handed to you with all the trimmings, cut the foreplay and crack the book open already.