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Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships by Geoffrey L. GreifMuch has been made of the complex social arrangements that girls and women navigate, but little scholarly or popular attention has focused on what friendship means to men. Drawing on in-depth interviews with nearly 400 men, therapist and researcher Geoffrey L. Greif takes readers on a guided tour of male friendships, explaining what makes them work, why they are vital to the health of individuals and communities, and how to build the kinds of friendships that can lead to longer and happier lives. Another 120 conversations with women help map the differences in what men and women seek from friendships and what, if anything, men can learn from women’s relationships.The guiding feature of the book is Greif’s typology of male friendships: he dispels the myth that men don’t have friends, showing that men have must, trust, just,and rust friends. A must friend is the best friend a man absolutely must call with earthshaking news. A trust friend is liked and trusted but not necessarily held as close as a must friend. Just friends are casual acquaintances, while rust friends have a long history together and can drift in and out of each other’s lives, essentially picking up where they last left off. Understanding the role each of these types of friends play across men’s lives reveals fascinating developmental patterns, such as how men cope with stress and conflict and how they make and maintain friendships, and how their friends keep them active and happy.Through the lively words of men themselves, and detailed profiles of men from their twenties to their nineties, readers may be surprised to find what friendships offer men–as well as their families and communities–and are sure to learn what makes their own relationships tick.ContentsIntroduction   3Part I.   Understanding Men’s Friendships 151. How Do We Understand Men’s Friendships? 172. What Do Friendship and Friend Mean? 453. So, How Do Friendships Actually Work? 644. What Do Men Learn From Their Fathers About Friendships? 95Part II. Understanding Women’s Friendships 1095. Do Women Influence Men’s Friendships? 1116. Do Women Feel the Same About Friends as Do Men? 127Part III.  Men’s Friendships Across the Decades 1617. Marty in His 20s: Needing Friends and Family    1638. Zach in His 30s: Balancing Family, Friends, and Work 1719. Mal in His 40s: Continuing the Balancing Act    18310. Mick in His 50s: Needing Friends More Than Ever 19211. Michael in His 60s: Friendships Shaped by Early Experiences 20212. Donald in His 70s: Going Strong 21113. Tom in His 80s: Realizing All His Friends Are Gone 22014. Fred in His 90s: Thinking Maybe It’s in the Genes 228Part IV. Making and Maintaining Friendships      23515. Men’s Fellowship at a Saturday Morning Church Group 23716. Stepping Up to the Plate With Your Friendships   246Part V. Appendices 261Appendix A About the Study 263Appendix B Questions for Men’s Groups and Classroom Discussion 269Notes   273References  284Index   295